So here I am. Back to 2010, to a life where I know no one, trust no man. The guy I have been with for almost forever, just broke up with me. And yes, I'm more lost than ever. It feels like a piece of me was taken along with him as he left. Now, I am just sitting here with everything broken, looking for a way to fix up the place so I will not hurt myself by stepping on these broken glasses.
It feels like the world is crashing. it's been 3 months. I can't go on like this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna ever see him come back to me, or if he is gonna be a memory there and then. But these four years, all the bitter sweet, I can't move on. We've went through so much, to say good bye. \
But at the same time, if he loved me, he would be here. Silently, just like he use to, with his shoulder for me to cry on, and hold me close because I needed him. But he wouldn't care. I tried chasing, but as time pass and the coldness in him is hard to bare, I wonder if I will ever succeed and if it is worth it anymore.
We both are tired. That's why we ended. He can't love me anymore, he don't feel it. He don't wanna be. He wants a life without me and me to respect it. The way he say it, is rejecting his request even possible? Now all I can ask from myself, the last thing i can ever do for him, is to let him be happy. I guess this is where the path ends. Where we go on our seperate ways, and put all these down.
I ask myself about the future. If I will even exist. What we had was so beautiful. The chase, the love, even the tears, what we shared is something so magical no one can ever have. It's a pity to me to see it all disappear. It's the feeling that brought us together, but also the same cruel feeling that tears us apart. I wonder when he kisses another girl lips, will I ever appear in his mind. I wonder when he goes to the movie with her, will he miss me in his arms. I wonder when he hold her close, will he be reminded of the scent of my hair. I wonder when they have late night talks, will he remember how we pour our hearts out till 4am. And most importantly, I wonder when he tells him that she love her, will he look upon the stars and think about me. Because I definitely will.
He's gonna miss me when I'm gone.
He's gonna miss me by the hair, he's gonna miss me everywhere.
He's gonna miss me by my talk, he's gonna miss me by my walk.
Oh, he's gonna miss me when i'm gone.
And I shall let go. And gamble once again. Just like how I always did. If you leave, you leave. But if we're meant to be, you'll come back. (most of them don't, oh well). You say you won't hurt me like others, up till today, i hold it dearly. 2605 is coming in 2 days time. it's suppose to be our 3 year anni. You say, it's just a date.
x
Ting En
